This is just something I did in writing class, on memoirs. It's a memoir written from the point of view of a person who was in the Holocaust, and I chose to focus on a made up memory of the train ride to a concentration camp.
I don’t quite remember how long the train ride was. I drifted in and out of consciousness with my back slumped against a wall that rattled rhythmically along with the train. My legs were stiff from standing, but I wouldn't, or couldn't, sit, for the ground reeked of something that I did not want to know the details of.
A shaft of sunlight sliced through the stifling darkness. It slipped between the crack on the train car’s door, danced across bits and pieces of the people crammed near me, and laid its pale golden beams right across my almost-closed eyelids. The train car must have passed through a forest and came into an open area. I opened my eyes and gazed into the light. Its color was like that of honeyed water, water that would slide down the parched paper tunnel that was my throat. I gazed into the light as if it was the life-giving water itself, pressing into the people beside me. One occupant, faceless and nameless to me, emitted a small whimper at my touch.
Over the rumbling of wheels on the tracks, I heard the delighted shrieks and laughter of children outside. The train must have passed through a small town where these children played and sang, ignorant of the hundreds of tons of starving human bodies passing them by.
I mused, dimly, that had I been born as another person, one with blonde hair and blue eyes and without a faded yellow star clinging to my rags, I would have been one on the other side of that thread of light streaming in, blissfully unaware of the horrible truths of life. That light was a tantalizing slice of the world outside the train car, outside of the life I was living in, outside of the nightmare that my mother had already left. I stretched towards it, fantasizing that if I wished and tried and hoped and yearned hard enough, I would float, up, up, and away from this stifling box and slip right between the door’s gap, and then I would be free…
The train suddenly lurched to a stop. I stumbled, and was thrown off balance, collapsing onto my knees in the piled-up filth.
The shaft of light disappeared from view.
I'm interested to hear what you guys have to say about this. Any good stuff, bad stuff, stuff that can be improved... give me all ya got! I also want to know if I went too far with the descriptions, because I think my writing seems overly descriptive...
Anyways, do you guys like me posting writing stuff? It's totally okay if you don't! I just want to know what kinds of things I should blog about.